My Blessing, My Curse
Life As a Late Diagnosed Autist
Image by the Author
Overworking For Fun
Most people don’t understand why I would learn for fun. They see it as ``working in my free time’’. My love of learning is nothing like going to work, it’s my passion, my escape, and my biggest coping strategy.
I choose what and when to study, which courses to take and what to research. Until age 51, I viewed most of my life’s difficulties through a mental health lens. I had been in the system as an in and out patient in my 20s to mid 30s. I knew I had been very depressed, chronically suicidal and had attachment and eating issues.
Researching Myself
On top of thousands of hours of therapy, I researched my way out of the feelings that kept my true nature down; that “de-pressed” me. I kept going because I felt I had a calling, and knew there were things I had to do with my life.
The pull towards those, was stronger than my wish to be rid of my internal pain for good. However, it was close. I became a therapist, and for a long time felt satisfaction from knowing I was giving some young people a place to go to be heard without judgement. It stopped being enough.
